"For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream."
Vincent Van Gogh is one of the world’s most famous painters from the nineteenth century. He was the oldest of five brothers, born on March 30, 1853 to Theodorus Van Gogh, a minister, and Anna Cornelia, a moody artist. Vincent’s work of art has been known for its emotion, beauty, and color. Two of the most renowned paintings of Van Gogh are Vase with Fifteen Sunflowers and The Starry Night. Despite of his success and fame in today’s world, Vincent Van Gogh was struggling throughout his whole life. Looking at all of the recorded documents of his behaviors in the past, I believe that it is justifiable to diagnose Vincent Van Gogh with bipolar II disorder.
Bipolar
disorder is a psychological illness marked by alternating periods of mania and
depression. Bipolar II disorder is one in which the disorder is driven by
depression instead of mania. Looking through a biopsychosocial approach, the
biological aspect that caused his disorder might have came from his mother who was a
moody artist. However, I believe that the most prominent cause to his illness
is through sociocultural factors, which included his family relationships
and socioeconomic status. Vincent Van Gogh was born exactly one year after his
parents’ first son was stillborn. His mother never recovered from the death of
her first child, and due to that reason, she had trouble forming bonds with her
sons. Even after Vincent’s fame, his mother considered his work of art to be
rubbish. Hence, Vincent Van Gogh felt rejected by his own mother. In addition
to that, Vincent was rejected by the three women he came to love throughout his
lifetime. It is safe to say that rejection is something he was familiar with.
Looking through the socioeconomic status, Vincent’s family fell into financial
difficulties when he was only fifteen years of age, which forced him to leave
school and get a job. He was a failed art dealer, and he depended on his
younger brother, Theo, to support him. He, then, pursued his passion
to be an artist, yet only one of his paintings got sold in the course of his
lifetime. I assume that because of these environmental factors did Van Gogh
develop his bipolar II disorder.
Focusing
on the symptoms, Vincent Van Gogh engaged in peculiar behaviors. For example,
he liked to punish himself if he did something wrong; he would skip meals, or
spend the night outside instead of in his room. When he was working, he would
isolate himself and go on for days without eating and spent all of his money to
get painting supplies. It became more deranged when he started to eat paint.
However, it was during these periods did he become highly creative and
productive. It was during these episodes did he feel balanced and sane. Other
than those times, he would engage in depressive manners that led to self-harm.
For example, there was an instance where he had a fight with his best friend,
and he threatened to leave Van Gogh and never see him again. Feeling rejected
once again, Van Gogh became stressed out and depressed, and gradually, cut off
his own ear. His depression got very extreme that he shot himself and died on
July 29, 1890 at the age of 37.
If
Vincent Van Gogh is still alive today, the treatment that would be suitable for
his bipolar II disorder is through biomedical approach. We can start off by giving
him SSRI drugs, which have the fewest side effects. If that does not work, we
can try prescribing him with different antidepressant drugs, but we have to
consider Van Gogh’s medical health to avoid any unwanted side effects. Another
possible option is through electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), where we shock the
brain. Per contra, the side effect can be the loss of memory. Nevertheless, it
is still something to consider, taking in mind all of the behaviors he engaged in
that had threatened his own life.
"I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process."
I am writing this letter 8,972 miles away from you, and I have been missing you every single day since the day we parted.
You are seven years old right now, and I have never been so proud of a seven year old before. Just like my oma, the woman I adore, you are beautiful both on the outside and the inside. I am so happy of the girl you turn out to be; a girl with a beautiful heart. You are filled with kindness and love, and I am so proud of you. I fell in love with you from the moment I laid eyes on you. You are a blessing to a 14 year old girl who dreamed of having a little sister. You are my soulmate and my best friend. I cherish every moment we spent together. I cannot seem to forget all those times where we went to see movies in the theater, played pretend, sang, danced, and laughed. I remember how you used to come to my room in the morning and jumped on me, only to wake me up while telling me that breakfast is ready. It is the little things that I seem to miss the most. It hurts me knowing how much you cried because you missed me, and how much you begged for me not to forget you. My love, you should know that there is not a single day goes by without me thinking of you. My nights of unbearable cries are countless. I miss you with all there is inside of me. You may not understand right now, but in time, you will understand that what I am doing right now is also for your sake. I need to study real hard and have a nice job so I can take care of you. I promise you that I will take care of you. When there is nobody else, you know that you will always have me. You are my baby. I will always watch over you, care for you, and love you.
Thank you for showing me how beautiful the innocence of a child's heart is.
You mean the world to me.
Yours,
Abigail C. Parera
Dear Oma,
I am sorry it took me this long to finally say what I have always been wanting to tell you.
There are too many things I am eager to say. Some even where words cannot convey, but let me start off by saying thank you. You have shown me what it was like to be a caring and loving person. You have given me great love; one that is unconditional. You were always there for me, loving me every step of the way. You have taught me something that I will cherish for as long as I shall live; you have taught me how to love. Because of your love, care, and patience, now, in turn, I have grown to be a girl who stands close to such things. I am saddened by the thoughts of not spending more time with you when I had the chance. I remember that every time I got scolded by my father, you were the person I wanted to go to. I would sleep with you at night, and you would keep me warm. I just wish that I have one last chance to say how much you mean to me. I remember you telling me and my cousin, Sara, about your childhood. How you used to live in a farm with your grandmother, and how you loved her dearly. Maybe such feeling is hereditary. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever known. Not only on the outside, but what is inside you shine out of you like sunbeams. I fell in love with your gentle smile, and I have been missing it ever since the day you left. Yet, what I adore most of all is your kindness. You were filled with kindness, and I was ever so lucky to receive such a thing from you each day. There are too many memories for one's heart to hold. Being able to call you my grandmother is one of the most precious gifts God has given me. I hope that I can be the person whom you are proud of, and I believe that you are looking down on me from Jesus' arms.
I love you, Oma.
You have a place in my heart that no one could ever replace.
Yours,
Abigail C. Parera
In today’s world, a lot of people are unable to accept who they really are. They imprison themselves with self-dissatisfactions. Therefore, people try to change the way they look. They start to get their eyelids lifted, their hair changed, or their skin tanned in order to satisfy themselves. The book American Born Chinese, by Gene Luen Yang, encourages its readers to accept their “true form.” Through three different stories of The Monkey King, Jin, and Danny, the book depicts the efforts of fitting into society. Each character in the book is shown with his own distinctive characteristics.
Sometimes, people’s idealization of a beautiful figure is what they create in their heads without realizing that their own figure is just as beautiful.
After church, I went to visit my late uncle at Fairhaven Cemetery, as I always do. However, something made today's visit different than any other Sundays. As I stepped out of the car, nobody was there except for a dapper old man buried in his shades. He was standing by one of the graves without any company other than his walking frame. He just stood there, all alone, looking sadly at the grave. As I walked past him, I noticed the name engraved on the tombstone. It says "Mary." From what I guessed, the person buried underneath that soil must be his wife. Even until I left the cemetery, he was still standing there by his partner's side. Every once in a while, I stole a glimpse at the old man from a distance without saying a word. I could not hear him over the sound of the gushing wind, but through his facial expression, it was easily perceived that he was sobbing. This sight touched my heart deeply. Today, a very cold and windy day, I witnessed an old man standing faithfully by his lover's side.
As I made my way home, something became clear to me; time is precious. Every minute spent with loved ones count. One of the part of being human is that we can never know how much time we have left. Carpe Diem. We have to make the most of each day. Time will continue to pass, but as long as we spend it right, we should not have any regrets. Be in the company of the ones you love, say "I love you" over and over again, love like there is no tomorrow. Time can never be bought, so we have to spend them considerately.
The passing of time is inevitable.
What good is religion, if it only brings destruction to humanity.
I get that there are cruel people in this world. However, what I cannot seem to wrap my brain around, is that why people involve religion in their gruesome acts. When does religion turn into an excuse to do all those cowardly acts? How does the role of religion even fit into that criteria? Yes, in this modern society, which we think very highly of, absurdity displace humanity. If this is what becomes of religion, then let me be one to say that I am against religion. I am a Christian, but I have stopped believing Christianity as a religion ever since I can remember. My faith in Jesus Christ is not defined by me going to church every Sunday. I can go to Mosques or Viharas for all I care. As long as I pray to my God, then I am good. It is not how you pray, but to whom you pray to. Not one of the many different gods people worship ever taught their people to destroy one another. We are taught to love.
Today, November 13, 2015, is a very heartbreaking day for people around the world, especially those who live in Paris, as continuous terrorist attacks strike the City of Light. This really breaks my heart. It makes me wonder, what went terribly wrong that made these people decide to take away the lives of numerous innocent people. I am a strong believer that we, the people of the earth, share at least one thing in common: we are born good. I also believe that becoming an abominable person does not happen overnight. I keep thinking to myself that something really bad must have happened to those people that made them choose that path. What terrible thing, and how sad, sad it must be. They must be in a lot of pain to do such horrifying things, to even allow themselves to teach their own children and their children's children to continue down their agonizing path. Yes, people are born good, but some get broken along the way. Now, I am more spirited than ever to be a psychologist. I want to help to better this world by healing broken people.
Paris, my thoughts and prayers are with you. To all of you who lost their loved ones, my prayer for you is for God to give you the strength you need, and the courage to find happiness again.
I think I'm about to die right now.
hmm
let's see
what do you want to know?
I'm pretending to be busy with my computer right now to avoid an extremely awkward conversation, so I have to keep writing.
what do you want to know?
my relationship with my boyfriend?
things are going fine, other than him him being in Palembang, which I'm not really sure where it is, but I am certain it is very far away from where I am right now. And also the fact that I'm leaving him to go to the United States for my college, and probably never to return once my green card is out. So once I go, I am not sure when I will see him again which is kind of messed up. But we're still gonna try, tho. We're not gonna give up that easily. he's not the first guy for me, but I'm pretty sure he's my last. So let's just try and see what comes of our so called 'long distance relationship'. I'm a strong believer in destiny. I strongly believe that if he's the one for me, if he's the one God has chosen for me, then eventually, no matter how rocky the road may get, we will be together. But if it is the other way around, then it only means one thing, there's a person out there for each of us who is more fit for us than each other.
okay enough about my love life, now's the time for my best friends.
First of all, I'd like to inform you that I have an awful lot of best friends.
Let's sort it out by groups:
1. I have my best friends since high school, we don't really have a name for it but it's always been the three of us; me, Hanna, and Yesaya. Back in high school, we used to go everywhere together. We used to go to this one place we call Aztec, and eat Mr. Botax's famous fettucini (I really don't have a clue how to spell fettucini), and there's this one time we went to Plaza Senayan only to watch 'the clock'. If you live in Jakarta, you'll know what I mean. We spent a lot of time together. We went through high school together. But as the time goes by, we got busy with our college lives, so now we rarely see each other.
2. Guardians of the Galaxy; it consists of Arnold as Quill, me as Gamora, David as Drax, Bob as Rocket, and Timmy as Groot. yes, it's silly, I know. but that's the whole point! We are silly! We go anywhere together and do random stuff. We even name our group randomly which incredibly fits perfectly!
3. The Binyos; It consists of me, Deborah, Clara, and Maudy. we are the Manadonese women, and we're freakin' proud of it! I love my Binyos. Even tho we rarely see each other, we are connected by the bloods running in our veins, bitchaass!
4. Summer Breakers; okay, this is probably the one with the longest list of names, and I don't think I can even remember who's in this group due to many many MANY names listed in this group. let me try. there are Thania, Adhit, Yesaya (again), Gerry, Ari, aaanndd the othersssss. We go places together as well. that's why we are called the Summer Breakers. We always plan stuff together, and just go for it.
Those are the 4 groups of best friends of mine (does this sentence sound a little weird to you? well, let's keep it to ourselves), and please rest assured that they are ALL my best friends, and I love them all EQUALLY. (I feel like a mother)
So maybe the point of all this is me telling you of all the important people in my life, other than blood related, whom I have grown to love unconditionally. they all mean the world to me. I cannot live without one or the other. they are equally important to me and they all make huge impact on my life. without any of them, I wouldn't be the person I am today (which I'm still working on to improve, don't worry Benny). and I need all of them, for me to be able to do so. So leaving them to go to the States, may have been one of the hardest things in my life. I'm gonna miss each and every one of them, and nothing will ever be the same without them.
That should do.
Goodbye,
For now.
I'll see you when I see you :)
